Family Happiness

Tags

emotion, family, fictional, happiness, madness, poem, poetry, truth, writing

Words that cut, lacerations

barbed wire phrases and empty threats

promises unkept – broken -

promises made still and thinly believed

 

averted eyes as outbursts of anger,

tears and terror come to rain down upon the lucky few

hands on hips, fists and gestures

whispered repetitions

that accompany regret

 

‘There will never be another family

that is like this one,’ they all say.

‘This one, this one is unique.’

other memories

Tags

arguments, memory, ocean, sadness, sand, words, writing

I remember the ocean

waves on the beach

sand between our toes

I remember the wind

rustling the dune grass

I remember your making me wear sunscreen

although I hate sunscreen and it gets into my eyes

I remember our falling out of love

better than I remember our falling into it

and on days such as these

I remember the severity

of those moments, arguments, fights – what have you -

where words were thrown

to hurt, to injure, to wound incessantly

but not meant – never meant -

it was as if those words hurled so hard

were meant to bring us back together again

and maybe they will,

on one of those summer days.

 

A sadness such as this

can’t last for that much longer.

I’m sure of it.

strange

Tags

fastwrite, fictional, happiness, love, poem, poetry, writing

strange,

how it used to seem like I would never forget you

and that the feeling I knew so well – inescapable, it would seem -

vanished overnight and

one morning, I awoke

to find I

could barely remember your face

let alone the way you taste

on mornings, overcast

and outlook, cloudy,

weather reports on the television

your hair clinging to your cheek

wavy, smooth,

at once familiar and new

now strange, belonging to a ghost.

Stranger still

how I felt better than I had before

without you - Happy.

the remembering

Tags

illusion, poem, poetry, promises, sadness, stream of consciousness, writing

I don’t remember what it was like

to wake up on days when i didn’t feel this way

when I didn’t hate the day, the light

when I didn’t shy away from afternoons

let alone mornings, wrapped in blankets

wedged into corners trying to beat back the remembering.

 

maybe it was supposed to turn out this way

our lives, aflame.

and

Tags

fictional, lost, love, poem, poetry, pov, steam of consciousness, writing

lit screens &

television sheens

remembering brilliant

dreams in fast-paced cars

or unlit bars beneath night stars

that flew across shining skies

as the world turned and burned

and we ran as the sunset hit the sand

and the waves crashed down onto mountains and

we found a perfect day to fall in to

and become one.

words

what are words

if not to signify

something broken

or made anew.

 

what are words

if not to mean

something else

something stolen

or abused.

 

what are words

if words were not

meant which words

were used.

 

what are words

if words are not

what words are

when words are not.

 

what are words

when words

mean nothing

and stand instead

for words that hurt.

horror (unedited)

Tags

fictional, half asleep, happiness, loneliness, love, lovers, madness, memories, poem, poetry, redemption, regret, restoration, resurrection, sadness, understanding, writing

I pushed my way into the theatre

past throngs of people crowded,

pressed up against each other,

and took my seat among them,

becoming one with the faceless sea.

The stage lit up, your face shining out into the dark,

a beacon of light, unearthing memories, once laid carefully to rest,

with burnt hands and a heavy heart.

 

You sang songs to someone unknown, unseen,

and I remembered those nights

when you sang to me -

and I froze, something caught inside me

and stuck quick in my heart

and I remembered: winter nights

and strained relations;

freezing streets and sleeping bags;

arguments – then fervent protestations

of Love and promises to be kept.

 

I remembered moments that seemed

to stretch forever onward,

dark bedrooms and a warm body

that would lie next to me in times of deep distress.

But I don’t remember everything -

not the part I played, for it was horrible,

and I was horrible back then,

only now am I beginning to see

the extent.

 

It was strange and it was terrible

being one of the eternal audience

watching – seeing, though being unseen -

passing by you in the lobby,

wordless and unknown:

no hint of remembrance;

no glint of recognition;

our last moment shared

in terrible silence.

 

And I rushed out quickly

with a strange and awful feeling,

But grateful – always and forever -

for what you taught me

about myself.

hole

Tags

absence, dreaming, fastwrite, fictional, happiness, heartache, heartbreak, loneliness, lost, love, lovers, madness, missing, poem, poetry, redemption, sadness, summer, tears, truth, understanding, updates, writing

I can’t say I miss you,

because I can’t quite remember who you are.

But it’s one of those vague yearnings

for a nameless, faceless something

that would bring me back to who I was before,

when I was younger, more handsome

and full of passion and a…a…

– a joie de vivre — that now, no more,

I cannot seem to find, no matter how I seek.

Pity me, my young loves:

my cousins of forgotten joys;

my brethren of misremembered memories;

the ends and means of my countless, hopeless

quests to find something more, to seek, to fill

a hole, though less formidable,

still haunts me, terrorizes me, freezes me

in moments of listlessness.

Apologies will never be enough,

though I would so badly that they were,

tripping over myself to please and ameliorate,

taking great pains to keep within the lines,

sands crossed and recrossed (and regretted),

footsteps only know just fading with the times,

I try. I try. And still, I try, but…

Just knowing that hole exists

is enough to drive any man crazy

and any woman away.

My love

Tags

absence, breakup, dreams, fictional, happiness, heartbreak, illusion, loneliness, lost, love, lovers, madness, memories, night, poem, poetry, sadness, tears, truth, understanding, writing

The moon was crescent

and the stars, crystalline.

The trees were silent

and the skies were empty

save for those shining stars

that twinkled light into my eyes.

The air was crisp and cool,

my breath hanging in the air;

I looked up at the milky way

and found myself transfixed.

 

It froze me

and I was reminded of you

and your silken hair

that fell jet black

down your olive back

as you stood in front of me

figure reflected

in a bedroom mirror

meeting your dittoed eye:

it froze me.

 

And I was reminded again

of an april night the year before

when I stepped onto a tile floor

to find your head against the door

your eyes glassy and emptied of life

if there ever was life in those evil eyes.

 

Were they evil? I suppose not.

Madness? Sadness? I don’t know.

But your mind was crooked

and our paths were twisted

and our hearts weren’t meant for

this.

 

My love, forever

for you, forgot.

 

 

you and I

Tags

absence, affection, breakup, dreaming, dreams, fictional, heartache, heartbreak, Hope, illusion, loneliness, lost, love, lovers, madness, memories, missing, poem, poetry, promises, redemption, restoration, resurrection, sadness, tears, truth, understanding, wisdom, writing

I don’t know what to write anymore

because I don’t know what to feel

or how to breathe

or send these fleeting moments from me

hoping that they never return.

 

I never knew what to do with you

and I don’t know what to do without you

and I don’t know if there ever was a you for that matter

but what I do know is that sometimes people change

or die, or grow apart — or leave.

I do know that some things aren’t meant to be

and some things are best left alone – like you; like me.